Truth's Proposition
by Zanecole421
Summary: As Ed dies he is once again pulled into Truth's domain but this time it's Truth that wants Ed's help. After jumping dimensions Ed finds himself as a hat. The sorting hat to be specific. All because some guy is going to trespass into Truth's domain and come anyway relatively unscathed. Truth does not like that. The catch? Truth has no idea when it's going to happen.FullSummaryInside
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was a request from SamanthaHunter. The idea for this story belongs to them. The plot itself is mine. I hope you like what I've put together for you! Enjoy!**

**Full Summary as I ran out of space: **A Harry Potter and Fullmetal Alchemist Crossover. As Ed dies he is once again pulled into Truth's domain but this time it's Truth that wants Ed's help. After jumping dimensions Ed finds himself as a hat. Yep, you read that right - a hat. The sorting hat to be specific. All because some guy is going to trespass into Truth's domain and come anyway relatively unscathed. Truth does not like that. The catch? Truth has no idea when it's going to happen. Follow Ed through literal centuries of not a lot until it all goes down in the 1990's.

* * *

He had lived a good life. Not as long as he would have liked but he knew that. He knew that using his own body as a Philosopher's Stone would shave a few years off his overall lifespan. At the time he was okay with that, there was never a grantee that he'd live to the next day anyway. But now, after everything that had happened – everything he managed to _live_ through – he wished he had a couple more years. To enjoy the peace and the simple joy of being alive.

He wasn't going to complain too much though. All in all, he ended up with what he needed. He got his brother his body back, saved the entire country and by some extension the world, travelled all over, married the girl of his dreams, had two amazing children and five lovely grandkids that he spoilt rotten.

So at age eighty-five – ironically, the percentage of her life that she had given him – he was content to go and meet his maker.

He did, however, always think it would be more dramatic. In a fight or an explosion or something to that effect; but no.

He passed quite calmly. At his desk, in his study, on top of an open book. He had closed his eyes for a nap – five minutes and then he'd get back to his research. The next thing he knew he was on the floor surrounded by white.

Standing slowly he realised his joints no longer ached and his eyesight had cleared. Feeling slightly put out he began to move. As he turned he saw a massive stone doorway. Engraved on the stone appeared to be a gigantic castle of some sort. It had countless turrets and a gothic atheistic which he appreciated. He never grew out of his (alleged) terrible sense of style.

A strange door for supposedly leading to the afterlife.

It was reminiscent of a certain gate that he had visited multiple times in his youth.

Stepping closer to inspect the words surrounding the image that he hadn't noticed earlier, he realised he wasn't alone.

An ominous presence filled the space – one he knew well. Too well.

Continuing his study of what he identified as mostly Latin, Ed spoke out into the void without turning.

"Hello again you devious bastard."

"Mr. Al-chem-ist, how you wound me! Don't you know you're my favourite?" The faceless silhouette sing-song-ed melodramatically.

"I thought you were done messing with me? I beat you." He called out. And then to himself "Can't I at least die in peace?"

"True you did beat me. That's why I'm here. I have a proposition for you Mr. Al-chem-ist."

Quirking an eyebrow intrigued but still justifiably wary, Ed turned from his inspection of the door to face Truth once again.

Instead of the normal crouch and superior smirk that Ed was used to seeing when he entered Truth's domain; Truth was standing, arms loose at their sides and not a grin in sight. Truth was mimicking Ed's own body – they were equals.

"So, what's this proposition?"

Truth clapped their hands and gave a gleeful smile. "I'm so glad that you're going to hear me out!"

Ed just crossed his arms impatient.

"Well," Truth continued, choosing to ignore Ed's irritation. "at some point in this other dimensions future a load of really bad stuff is going to happen. Think of the Promised Day and times it by two. No wait, times it by four."

Ed was shocked but tried not to let it show. Was it really going to be _that_ bad?

"This one person is going to cause a load of hassle and step into my domain a bunch of times, but this world doesn't have Alchemists so I can't doll out my usual punishment. My reach there is limited as they don't perceive me the way your world does. There's a block on me so to speak. I can do some form of punishment, but it won't be as noticeable as I would like. So, I want to send someone I trust to oversee things a bit."

"You trust me?" Ed questioned incredulously, disbelieving what he was hearing. This world could block Truth?! How was that possible?

"Sure I do." Truth shrugged. "You beat me, and you can't meddle in my domain anymore Mr. Ex-al-chem-ist." The taunt was subtle but it was there and Ed bristled slightly at the reminder.

"I suppose that's fair." He relented.

"Plus you're in the process of dying so you'll be able to squeeze through the dimensional tears." Truth added bluntly without emotion. He was stating a fact.

"Gee, thanks." The sarcasm dripped from Ed's voice and Truth grinned at him.

"You're welcome. So, back to topic; these four people are planning to bewitch a hat and I want you to become this hat's soul so to speak. Similar to what you did with your brother."

Ed curled his fists. He did not need a reminder of that.

"And do what exactly?" Truth wasn't making any sense here and Ed was slowly losing his patience. His temper had gotten better of the years and being around Truth always seemed to cause it to spike. He let out a slow breath to ease his temper a little.

"Sort."

"Sort what?"

"Children."

"Children."

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Because that's what the founders of Hogwarts decided on."

"What the fuck is Hogwarts?"

"A school for magic." Ed was dumbfounded. Magic only existed in children's books. He'd read enough to his own children to know.

"You're not pulling my leg?" Truth grinned widely and Ed realised his wording error.

"The real one or…"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT YOU BASTARD!" Ed exclaimed, giving up on holding in his anger.

"Alright, alright." Truth raised their hands in mock surrender. "And no I'm not puling your leg. Real or otherwise. Completely serious. When have I ever lied to you Mr. Ex-al-chem-ist?" They finished seriously.

Truth may be many things. A manipulative, cheating bastard for sure but they were no liar. They were known as Truth for a reason.

"Fine. Go on." Ed surrendered with a dismissive hand.

"Right then. As I was saying. The founders of this magic school were puzzling over how to sort their students in these groups called Houses after they've passed on. They came to the conclusion of bewitching something with each of their ideals and make it somewhat sentient so it can make the choice for them. One of them offered their hat. They're also going to give it a power called Legilimency so it can read the minds of these kids, see their personality traits and predict what they'll do in certain situations."

"So basically, you want me to be the judge of children. At how old?" This whole thing just got weirder by the second.

"Eleven." Truth stated.

"Right so at age eleven you want me to see into their still developing brains and decide which House to put them in and affect the rest of their lives with said judgement. You do remember what I did at that age right?" Ed asked in disbelief. What the actual hell?

"I'm not likely to forget Mr. Ex-al-chem-ist but yes. That is the gist of it. But remember that these children are not like you. No one is like you. That is a compliment by the way." Truth grinned again and Ed chose to ignore the so-called compliment.

"All because one of them at some point is going to mess with your domain."

"Multiple times." Truth informed him again. Truth seemed more annoyed than anything that this was going to happen and that they couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Yeah, I don't think so. I don't owe you anything."

"That is true." Admitting that almost sounded like it hurt them. "But what if you don't have to stay a hat? You can turn into your human self any time you want!"

"Still not buying it. Can I go to the hereafter now?" Ed started to move away from Truth trying to find an exit or something.

"What if I send some reincarnations of people you knew your way?"

Ed stopped moving, his back still to Truth. "That'll just be painful." He whispered but there was nothing in Truth's Domain to act as a buffer for sound and he knew that Truth had heard him.

He was so done with this conversation now. He wondered what his funeral would be like? Who would turn up? Would it be a military funeral? No, Winry wouldn't let them do that and he technically wasn't even part of the military anymore anyway. He hoped she wouldn't cry, he always hated it when she cried about or for him.

"What if there's a bad-ass looking sword that you can control?" Truth sounded somewhat desperate now. It was a strange feeling; to know he held power over Truth. What other people would call God.

He paused in his exploration for the exit.

"How bad-ass?" He asked hesitantly as his curiosity got the better of him.

"Made of solid sliver and forged by Goblins. The best weaponsmiths in this world. Ruby incrusted hilt. You can change the shape of it depending on whose wielding it but you'll ultimately control it unless you choose not to."

Ed turned back round to face Truth with a sly smile. Dammit, if he wasn't suckered in by libraries it was weaponry. He had turned his own arm into a weapon for years after all. Also rubies, they were red and red was his colour.

"Sold."

Truth grinned. Though this time there was nothing malicious about it.

The stone door opened with a creak and the little black hands that Ed was too familiar with reached out and grasped him gently. They slowly pulled on him, encouraging him to walk with them instead of being dragged. Truth didn't say anything more until Ed already had one foot through the doorway.

"Thank you Edward Elric. Though, there is one little snag." Ed quirked an eyebrow in question. "I have no idea when all this is going to happen so enjoy your time until then. Bye!" Truth finished so fast that Ed almost didn't catch it all.

"You bastard!" He yelled as the gates clanged shut with finality. Ed's vision turned black as he passed out for the journey through dimensions.

Truth just waved with a smile at their favourite Alchemist as the gates shut; the clang reverberating in the nothingness. The gates dissipated slowly, and Truth turned away.

"Who to mess with now I wonder?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Now we meet the Founders and all the BS I made up for them. Enjoy!**

* * *

The four founders were gathered in what would be the headmaster's office (once they all passed and one was appointed) sat around a circular table, Godric's pointed brown hat that was beginning to fray in the centre.

Rowena was the first to stand from her perch and raised her wand. Waving it in intricate and delicate movements she spoke aloud to her dear friends as she cast.

"In my House only the most intelligent will dwell. Those who are sharp of mind will be accepted. Wit and wisdom will be valued over all else. Those with a thirst for knowledge and learning will find their homes here. Together they will improve upon each other and learn from one another. Also those with quirks and great creativity will be welcome. Those who are eccentric and misunderstood will find a safe haven. This is what I wish the hat to see when choosing my House's students in my stead."

With a flourish she finished her spell. Blue sparks fell from her wand and settled onto the hat. The magic bled into the seams and her spell was complete.

"I have also given the hat the ability to speak so it may announce the chosen house to the entire school proudly and the gift of Legilimency – a critical skill to sort with accuracy. I have also cast a preservation spell so that the hat will remain undamaged through the years; though I regret to say that this spell will lose its effectiveness once I am no longer here."

There were nods of agreement from the other three and Rowena sat once more, waiting to see who would next cast their spell.

Godric stood next, his sword handing from his side. He rolled up the sleeves of his robes, grasped his wand tightly and thought about what he valued most. His wand movements were solid and purposeful – much like the man himself.

"I believe that courage and bravery are what my House will represent. Those who put others safety before their own and protect more than themselves will be welcome in my House. Those who honour chivalry and have a strong nerve will find more of their kind here. It is alright to be somewhat reckless in these acts as many situations of bravery are impulsive and have no time for thought. I ask my hat to see all of this and choose those who embody my ideals to be welcomed with open arms."

Godric finished his spell and like Rowena's, his red sparks bled into the hat. Once the light faded, he sat and looked towards his oldest and closest friend urging him to take his turn.

Salazar met Godric's gaze and knew that what he thought was best for their school was not shared by the others but he hoped that they would come to see his reasoning.

Rising with purpose he held out his wand and cast without hesitation. He knew what he wanted and now was not the time to second guess himself. His movements were fluid and commanding.

"Those who possess strong ideals and are unwavering in them will find a home in my House. Those with ambition and cunning will be welcome and may all those in my House help each other to achieve their goals. Those who are determined and never give up until they succeed will do well here. However, magical blood is the greatest deciding factor. Magic should be taught to the magical and I ask the hat to only allow those of Pure-Blood into my House. If the wizarding community wishes to remain strong then the blood within must also be so."

Salazar remained standing as his sparks joined the others and cast a challenging look towards his fellow wizards.

"Salazar!" Godric exclaimed, slamming his hands onto the table. "How dare you be so selective! If we wish for the wizarding community to remain strong; _surely_ that would require all of whom possess magical ability to be taught!"

"The blood must remain strong Godric. Muggle blood is inferior, and it will taint us. Mark my words." His duty done – for the hat was going to take over the role of sorting students – Salazar swept from the room vowing to never return until the rest saw that he was right. If that never happened then his heirs and his beast would finish what he had started. Of that he was certain.

Godric left the room in pursuit of his friend leaving the two women to finish the enchantment.

"It is not like we did not see this coming." Rowena murmured breaking the stunned silence.

"Indeed." Helga agreed. "Though I do wish Salazar would have seen his error before now, alas my wish was not to be so. I will finish my enchantment and do my best to remedy what has occurred.

"Those who possess a strong sense of loyalty will be placed in my House. May they be loyal to those who deserve it and more so to themselves and their own morals. I wish for them to work hard to achieve what they can but to never attempt what is too much for them to bare alone and to seek help when they need it. I hope they are patient and understanding; warm and welcoming to all who cross onto Hogwarts' grounds. I wish for them to be just and kind and to never assume for that is how good friends become great enemies.

"Hat, I wish you to be fair and take all the time you need to sort with accuracy. I wish for you to have a personality of your own and to never take your task lightly. To take the students opinion into account, to take them all with no bias and place where they truly belong."

Helga finished her calm and soft wand movements and placed all of her trust and hope into her spell, wishing that the hat would heed her words and be fair above all else.

The sparks from her wand seemed to shine the brightest and they took their time disappearing into the fabric of the hat.

Rowena gently picked up the hat and placed it upon a shelf behind the desk of the headmaster. It would not be needed until they had all passed on.

Turning back to her best friend she held out her hand. Helga grasped it and together they left the room to find their fellow founders. Hopefully they could convince Salazar to stay but deep down Helga knew that it was unlikely. It would however, not stop them from trying.

Once the door closed, the hat wriggled and shook. A seam at its brim ripped open.

"Well, that's quite a lot they've asked of me isn't it? Damn you Truth. I will get you back for this; I swear." Ed's voice echoed into the silence. "Now, let's see if the bastard was telling the truth." The rip closed and the hat trembled again. With a bright light, Ed now in human form tumbled to the ground.

"Ow." He monotoned as he sat up rubbing the arm that he had landed on.

He stood lazily and realised that he felt different to how he had felt in Truth's Domain. He felt _young_.

Quickly gazing around the room, Ed located a cabinet in which he could see his reflection. He jumped back startled at what he saw.

His eighteen year old face was staring back at him. It was weird; he had become used to seeing grey hair and wrinkles. His clothes were what he used to wear when he was a State Alchemist – he even had his watch! It was a strange sense od déjà vu but he didn't have time to dwell on it now. He had some founders to find.

"Let's go find those four idiots and try and talk some sense into the big green idiot." Ed said to himself as he strode across the room and yanked the door open. He decided his best bet was to follow the shouting.

* * *

Ed ran through the halls but didn't take any time to examine the architecture. He found the founders outside past a large arch on a huge expanse of grass. It seemed that this area was the main entrance to the castle. Yeah, the school was a frigging castle! A wide sandy path led towards a lake and forest. To the side of the path the two male founders looked like they were about to fight, whilst the women stood on the path a couple feet away holding each other's hands tightly.

The man dressed in dark green and silver held a stick in his hand, aiming it towards the other man's torso. The man dressed in bright red (Ed liked him instantly) gripped his still sheathed sword and held his stick loosely in his other hand. He stood tall, unwavering, his lion mane of hair blowing back in the wind – it was an impressive sight. He looked furious but still reluctant to fight Greeny.

Stern Lady looked like she was holding the yellow coloured woman back from interfering.

That was something Ed had never been good at doing but he thought it best if he observed for a bit to get an idea of what was happening.

He crossed the grounds until he reached the women. None of them noticed his presence. The two men began to yell at each other gesturing wildly with their arms and hands.

"I just do not understand why Salazar! Tell us why!" The Lion man bellowed angrily.

"I have made my reasons clear Godric. It is you who is failing to understand!" Greeny – now identified as Salazar spat back.

Godric's grip on both his sword and stick tightened but he still made no move to use either.

"Purity is crucial. If our magical blood becomes tainted with those of Muggles there is no telling what destruction may befall us. To protect all of Wizard kind we must keep our knowledge within magical blood!"

"We have disagreed on many things Salazar and on several I have conceded to you but on this matter I cannot. The Wizarding world we know now is small. We have been feared by many a Muggle and it is my wish that by allowing Muggle-born Witches and Wizards into our halls that we will be able to grow! To understand one another so that we can live together in harmony."

"Your wish is futile Godric." Salazar shook his head and bared his teeth in disgust. The very thought of mixing with Muggles seemed like poison to him.

"Maybe so, but it is still worth trying! If we do nothing, the problem will only grow until it is too big for anyone to put right." Godric continued to plead. He took a step forward as if being physically closer would help his point.

They argued back and forth, saying the same things just rewording them. The two women were starting to lose interest in the men's fight. It seemed these squabbles were a common occurrence. The sterner looking woman had released the other but neither made a move to interrupt.

Ed had heard enough of their childish yelling.

"If I may interject." He spoke loudly without shouting (something those two should learn, Ed had the beginnings of a headache). The women next to him jumped in surprise and the men whirled around to face him. Salazar's stick was now pointed at him. He stared at it unamused.

"Who in Merlin's name are you?!" Salazar yelled threateningly.

Ed looked around at the four and was surprised to see them all standing together in an untied line. That was ironic after what he had just witnessed. All of them held their sticks which by now Ed assumed was a weapon of some kind. Much like circles were needed to perform Alchemy, maybe these sticks were magic conductors? Godric also had his sword drawn. It looked exactly like the one Truth had described to him. Maybe he could control it already? No harm in trying it out right?

Closing his eyes Ed concentrated on the sword. He could already sense its chemical make-up – definitely pure silver – and also something else… like it was calling to him.

With a gentle smirk Ed opened his eyes. They flashed red for a moment and a second later the sword was in his hand. It was heavy but that wasn't surprising with it being made of solid silver. The hilt grew warm in his hand and he nearly dropped it in alarm. Looking down at the hilt he saw words being engraved on it by an invisible being. Curling around the guard in a bright light, a beautiful cursive appeared. 'Edward Elric' was what he could read after the light faded.

But before he could dwell on that, Godric made a flabbergasted noise at his sword suddenly leaving his grip. The other three looked alarmed, amused and defensive all at the same time.

Salazar boldly stepped forward. "I will not ask again. Who, are, you?" He punctuated each word forcefully, letting Ed know that he meant business. Ed could have laughed, these fools had nothing on Truth.

"Hmm. Oh me?" Ed drawled as he casually swung the sword about, getting a feel for the weapon. "I thought that would have been obvious. I'm the Sorting Hat but you can call me Ed."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Happy Easter! Or if you don't celebrate Easter: Happy Random Saturday! As a present for you all, I give you Chapter 3! Enjoy! **

**A massive thanks to everyone who has read so far! Thank you to everyone who has favourited, followed and reviewed. You are literally the best! Giant Easter Eggs for you all. **

* * *

It took some time (alright a _lot_ of time) but Ed finally got them to understand who he was. He just wasn't _entirely_ honest. He omitted everything about Truth and what his real purpose was.

Helga seemed distraught about the fact that in her wish for the hat to have a personality; she had dragged a soul into their world from his original. He told her over and over that his past self was dying anyway and that, that was the reason why he could pass through. It did nothing to console her.

He informed Godric that his sword was now shared between them. As the hat was Godric's and Ed was the hat, he had an attachment to anything magical of Godric's, but he promised to leave the sword alone until Godric had passed. It was kind of like how Al could transfer a part of his soul into armour and control them, but Ed didn't tell them any of that. It would take too much explaining and only cause Helga to feel worse.

Salazar just ignored him and asked no questions, though he was listening to everything that was said rather intently. Ed was sort of glad that he had stayed. The moment he had seen the wizard red flags popped up. This man would somehow be involved in Truth's Proposition – as he had dubbed it – and Ed couldn't 'keep an eye out' if there was nothing to keep an eye _on_.

Feeling like the most important things were explained, Ed left the group to explore some.

The castle was huge and there was so much to see and Ed knew that as the years passed more would be added. He should draw a map.

That was how the next few months passed. Ed explored whilst the founders taught their classes and just carried on with life as normal.

Godric and Rowena spent the most time with him. Godric because Ed was technically his hat and he felt a weird sense of responsibility for him. Rowena badgered him a lot to learn everything she could about how the hat had become a person and where he had come from. Ed did his best to indulge her curiosity but again omitted large chunks.

Alchemy was only mentioned briefly and he point blank refused to teach it to her, he didn't want to risk giving whomever was going to cause Truth and this world trouble another weapon. His own experiences and family were never brought up, but he was happy to answer questions about Amestris in general.

Ed was finding the entire thing a bit difficult though. It seemed there was a limit to how long he could remain in his human form. He would also randomly turn from hat to human with no conscious effort. It startled him as well as the founders the first couple of times it happened.

He didn't need to eat – it seemed he physically couldn't. Helga cried when she realised that. He didn't sleep either. Ed understood his brother's pain now. He wished he could let him know. Though unlike Al, he still had all of his senses, though taste wasn't really used with his lack of eating.

Considering everything, the strange situation was going rather well.

Until it wasn't.

Godric and Salazar had gotten into another fight. Ed had to break his promise when things turned violent. In his rage Godric had swung his sword at Salazar and Ed had jumped in. His name appeared on the hilt – signifying that he had control – and stopped the sword's motion. Godric growled, dropped the sword and pulled out his wand. Hexes, spells and curses flew through the air, each man aiming to hurt the other.

Helga and Rowena stopped the fight with stunning spells of their own. The men were separated and when they came to, Salazar left for good.

Ed couldn't really say he minded. He never really liked Salazar that much. He reminded him of Bradley. He did however feel for the other three who were crushed at his departure. Godric took it hardest and blamed himself. In Ed's opinion the whole thing _was_ Godric's fault but he never said so.

And so, after any tragedy; the remaining three continued to teach at Hogwarts and things settled once more. The show must go on or in this case, teaching must go on. They split Salazar's remaining students between them and tried their best to educate all of them together.

Years passed and Ed found his life of simply exploring or sitting on a shelf quite boring. That changed when Helena – Rowena's daughter – stole her mother's diadem and fled. They later got word that Helena was killed. Rowena was distraught and inconsolable. She died soon after. Ed imaged it was of a broken heart. He wondered briefly if Al or Winry had passed away yet. It had been years since his own death but of the exact number he couldn't say.

With the founding four now wilted down to two they struggled to teach the whole of Hogwarts and hired more staff to help with teaching. Ed personally thought it was a long time coming. Just like Alchemy there was too much to cover by one person. It was better to get in teachers that only focused on one subject.

Godric was the next to pass away. His home village was re-named after him in his honour. Godric's Hollow. Ed had a funny feeling that, that place would become one of the ground's for Truth's prediction of disaster. He'd have to keep an ear out for news on it. Godric got a statue and everything.

Godric's sword was left to him now and Ed asked Helga to conjure a case for it to be kept until it was needed – Ed knew he'd be able to summon it if he required it no matter where either of them were. He had done multiple experiments to see the limit of his connection with the Sword and as far as Ed could tell there wasn't one.

It was placed in the headmaster's office and became an artefact and heirloom of Hogwarts and technically had no owner as none of Godric's descendants stepped forward to claim it. Either way Ed considered the sword his. And he would honour Godric's last request of it assisting any true and worthy Gryffindor.

Helga didn't last much longer after that and Ed was sad to see her go. She had been his favourite of the four and the one to treat him the most like a person. He was sure that most of it at first had come from guilt, but he liked to think that as they grew closer they had become true friends. Salazar hadn't cared for him, Rowena wanted to study him and Godric was awkwardly paternal, though he did it at a distance.

The following year would begin the job the founders (and Truth) had entrusted him to do. Next year would be his first for sorting.

* * *

The newly appointed Headmaster of Hogwarts was pacing the dusty office. This was the first time it was being used since it was built and the House-Elves had yet to clean it as he was still there. House-Elves preferred to go about their work without prying eyes.

The Sorting Hat was sat on his desk and the Headmaster could have sworn that the two patches that resembled eyes were watching him. The pointed top seemed to rise and fall in sighing motions which was rather off-putting.

The founders had told him of the hat's purpose, but the headmaster was still unsure of how to go about it.

Finally the hat lost it's last nerve.

"Will you stop pacing!" It screeched at him through a ripped seam at the brim.

The Headmaster jumped and spun to face it.

"H – how? How are you speaking?" The Headmaster's voice gave away his shock and fear.

The patches for eyes crinkled. One rose upwards as if cocking a mocking eyebrow.

"You do know that Rowena Ravenclaw had a hand in creating me right? It would be more surprising if I _couldn't_ speak." The hat responded sarcastically.

The Headmaster had to agree. She had been the brightest Witch of her generation. She would be sorely missed.

"Anyway, I have an idea to solve your problem."

"You – you do?"

"Indeed." The hat pointed its tip downwards and back up in a nod.

"Please, tell me your idea." The Headmaster felt somewhat stupid talking to a hat, but he didn't tell it that. He had the feeling that this hat was more than it seemed.

"Get a stool, place in on the raised platform where the staff sit. Get a list of the students names; alphabetical order of course. Read the first name. Student sits. Plop me on their head. I sort them. I yell out their House for the entire hall to hear. Take me off their head. They go join their House which are no doubt cheering and yelling and causing headaches. Repeat until all of the students are sorted. I return here until next year." The hat responded in a no-nonsense manner.

The Headmaster was nodding along. It was actually a brilliant solution to his problem. Though it did sound rather boring. He told the hat such. It cast him a withering glare (as much as a hat could give a withering glare) and then it perked up again somewhat sinisterly.

"I could sing a song. Talk about the founders and the traits of each House. That sort of thing." The hat sounded devious and the headmaster briefly wondered what the founders had been thinking. Creating a sentient hat, _really_? Especially one that had a mind of its own.

"Are you any good at making up songs?" The Headmaster queried worriedly.

The hat smirked. "I guess we'll just have to find out won't we."


End file.
